See Bo Derek in her post-'10'days, stripping off layer after layer of useless clothing (even at one point attaining the help of tribal,african mid-wives to do so), all the while picking her teeth,and playing someone you might remotley mistake for Jane.
See just what a shambles a bunch of low-life studio execs and some middle-school brained marketers made out of an epic series beloved by all in every possible medium for 70 years. Although Bo stands by her claims that there was nothing sexual about her nude scenes, that's probably why she did'em. And I'm guessing the director was probably just ecstatic she saw it that way.Frank Lund, firstname.lastname@example.org
My brother-in-law rented this and we had a blast riffing on the atrocious acting, inadvertently hilarious sex scenes, stupid dialogue (Bonnie calls Clyde a "pistol-packing sex outlaw), and the overall shodiness of the whole affair. If you can find it, this would be a welcome addition to any Bad Movie Night.Kris Bluth, email@example.com
[Editor's note: This was directed by Jerry Warren, who directed, edited, and produced The Wild, Wild World of Batwoman.]
Fair damsel who is the heroine is such a goody two shoes! Robin Hughes (remember the bearded actor who played the Devil in one episode of Twilight Zone?) plays the evil, cursed pirate sans head. Or rather, head sans body.
Some silly romantic subplots, and plenty of crusty character actors thrown in to the mix. CHECK IT OUT!Jonna D. Osborne, firstname.lastname@example.org
[Editor's note: This was used on MST3K this season, episode 805, but probably for no reason having to do with this page.]
I saw it about a year ago on MonsterVision. I started watching it because I was bored and it looked reasonably interesting. By the end, I was only watching it for Joe Bob Briggs' comments. (Joe Bob's best comment: "You know, this movie was done by the same company that did Project: Shadowchaser, which also didn't make a lick of sense.")
This movie is a textbook example of how to completely ruin a decent idea with gratuitous violence. Basically, the movie is a sequence of increasingly uninteresting gun battles, with a helicopter chase and some cheesy "vision" sequences (you'll know 'em when you see 'em) thrown in for variety. There's a well-intentioned time-travel plot (which is wasted because it's just an excuse to string together gun battles), with Mark Hamill in the lead role (who's talent is wasted because he's just a guy running around shooting people), a thoroughly dispicable villian (who is wasted because he just stands around giving orders until the final scene, where, of course, the hero kills him), and a subplot set in the future (which is not only wasted, since history gets changed in the end, but stupid, since it revolves around the worst mock-up of a burning city and the least impressive starship-fired lasers I've ever seen.)
Other things to watch for:
OK, now for the name..TIME TRACERS - DON'T WATCH IT. It's a science fiction movie about an "investigative reporter who unearths a megalomaniac's dastardly scheme to catapult unwilling humans back and forth through time, but his attempts to stop this plan may not be enough to thwart the undoing of history." We haven't been able to follow this movie, the actors are horrible, and the effects look like they were done by a bunch of kindergartners.Peggy Cray, email@example.com
[Editor's note: It appears this is the original title of Time
Chasers, used in episode 821 of MST3K.]
A man is hit on the head with a meteor one night, and a piece of it gets embedded in his head. This meteor chunk causes him to turn into a lizardman and go berserk, something which has apparently happened to people throughout history, according to his Native American friend.
The film alternates between being really boring and kind of funny (though *not* the intentional kind of funny), but the makeup actually isn't too bad for this kind of thing. This is the definitive werelizard film, mainly because it's the only werelizard film I can think of.Demian Katz, firstname.lastname@example.org
Unbelievable, really. Don't be frightened that you hadn't seen "Troll" as this has nothing to do with the original. This one involves a family of really, really, really wretched actors who all speak in monotone going on vacation, where they meet, um, evil creatures or something that turn things into green muck. There's also this one lunatic woman who overacts so horribly that the rest of the cast looks like they're in a coma by comparison. A dreadful film, and I've only seen it three times.Paul Freitag, email@example.com
This one was probably one of the most godawful movies ever made. A halfwit family and a psychic kid participate in some kind of weird house-swapping project with a family form a town called NILBOG (obviously goblin spelled backwards but it takes the family the whole damn movie to figure it out.) The town is ocupied by a group of goblins and a high preistess who gets her powers form a stonehenge stone. The entire plot revolves around a semi-psychic kid who sees visions of his dead grandfather who tells the kid that the town is inhabited by goblins. It ends up the goblins are trying to turn the family into this half-human half pudding junk that is the goblins favorite food, this is accomplished by making the family eat this bizzare green food. The kid tries to stop his family from eating the food by doing many interesting things (like urinating on it [off camera] ) eventually the kid figures out the goblins dont eat meat, so they wont eat them if they have meat in their systems. eventually (after what seems like way too long) the family escapes and goes home, but their fatal mistake is forgetting that they SWAPPED HOUSES with some residents form nilbog (which of course are goblins) and eventually in the final scene eat the mother of the family in front of the son. This would be an excellent MST ! It's not really dirty and would need minimal editing.Dogcow, firstname.lastname@example.org
Oh yeah, one last lame thing about Twister, that wasn't in the movie... the previews showed footage that never took place in the actual movie (a tractor tire flying through a truck winshield) which I find pretty low. I was hoping through the film that tire finally would smash through the winshield, killing the main characters, and end the movie.Tukka, email@example.com
Oh, geez... from the fiancee who obviously should have never been dragged along for the ride, to the evil stormchaser portrayed by Cary Elwes... from Helen Hunt's seemingly endless supply of pristine white tank-tops (either that or it was one indestructible and easy to clean tank-top), to that annoying extreme-sports-type "DUDE! IT'S COMING!" guy who coulda woulda shoulda been killed off before the movie was over... you know which guy I mean, right? I mean... UGH. This whole movie... UGH. Words can barely begin to describe... the only good thing about this movie was probably that Van Halen song playing over the end credits...
And to think Jan De Bont turned down Godzilla for this... Probably a good thing, actually...Duncan Shea, firstname.lastname@example.org