A descendent of the great Count Dracula moves from Transylvania to Japan, where he proceeds to suck blood and cause kung-fu battles with hospital workers. The plot is a bit confusing, but could probalby have been worse. The really interesting thing about this movie is the vampire himself... He's played by a Japanese actor, and dubbed with an accent which is hard to identify... Perhaps the original Count moved to Romania from Japan? :)
Demian Katz, katz@netaxs.com
Whle going at it the dumb boyfriend hears Luther driving away in his car. The boyfriend chases him and get killed, meanwhile, the daughter finds her mother, cries, and leaves her there.
The daughter runs away, the mother untangles herself, and is chased by Luther for the last hour and fifteen minutes of the movie before she finally kills Luther.
This movie sucks. Local acting, directed by a college student, and the opening scene (the parole board deciding Luther's case) is soooo bad that I watched it twice just to make sure that I didn't dream it.
Tristan Abbott, wally@usa.net3 plucky gals share a beach house and work together to attain the ultimate goal in life--to be an L.A. Laker girl. Will Tina get to date one of the Lakers? Will Alexandra reveal that she's actually a rich-girl heiress? Will the girls all live in the glory that is the L.A.Laker girls?
This was one of the worst movies I ever saw. I was held spellbound in horrid fascination. It's ripe for viewing by Mike and the 'bots.
Jill Scurato, scurato@pucc.Princeton.EDUWhen I was ten or so, I found out that this little celluloid bikky was based on a novel by Edgar Rice Burroughs (the creator of Tarzan), about some sailors who blunder into a mysterious island where dinosaurs still survive, and coexist alongside primitive men. But the truly sci-fi aspect of the story kicks in as the intrepid explorers venture further north... and they note that the further north they go, the more advanced and civilized the primitives are...
Jump to over ten years later. Dad rents the very film from Blockbuster, and I sit and watch it. Oh dear lord, the dinos were so obviously flopping around like the miniature puppets they are... The aspects of the novel were barely touched on in the film... It was embarrassing to watch... ugh. Just try to keep a straight face in the scene where the submarine is attacked by sea beasts, and the heroes fend off one pesky critter. And the island suffers a volcanic eruption, just as the prehistoric islands usually do in movies of this sort, and all but the main hero and his main squeeze are able to leave the island in time. But the hero and his lady survive, and toss a message in a bottle off a cliff, into the sea.
The people who made this bit of film made two follow-up films, also based on Burroughs novels: At the Earth's Core (I saw a tiny fragment of this; lots of guys in rubber monster suits) and The People that Time Forgot (some big 'ol dinos in this one, but barely).
Duncan Shea, sarazawa@hotmail.comI think this movie was directed by steven tyler of Aerosmith, the acting is horrible, the filming is even worse, and in one scene a girl hits her head against a window on accident!
the ending makes no sense, theres a "dream within a dream" and uh......they use words like queer-bag in it.
Doug Haddow, dhaddow@awinc.comand this movie is truly foul. this is not The Princess Bride for Cary Elwes.
Mike Leipold, leipold@ruth.butler.eduThis movie certainly needs MSTing, and my friend swears he heard a reference to it in some other MST. A combonation of bad acting, a cheesy monster, and shotgun toting hicks results one of the best (worst) movies I've ever seen.
Patrick Nelson, pnelson@inet.netI saw this once, when I was about 12, and I still remember Bill Cosby flying off a roof on an ostrich, a bunch of frogs making a car jump into the water, and members of the villianous "Vegetarians" shrieking in terror and yelling "Don't Beef Me" as Cosby threw hot dogs and hamburgers at them. Any movie that memorable has to really suck.
Matt Davis, msdavis@ews.uiuc.edu
Rebuttal
From the first minutes of the film in which Our Hero rescues some hostages by cleverly concealing a silenced gun in a turkey, it's pretty easy to tell it's going to be one of *those* movies. And in the genre of *those* movies, this is an outstandingly amusing gun concealing bird of a film. Between the ultraviolent attitude of the hero, the apparent foot fetish of the camera man, and the tendency for people to get hit by cars (worth watching for the VW Bug hitting a pedestrian) this movie represents all that is bad (which is most everything) in the action genre. Add to this some brilliant dialog ("Get those son-of-a-bitches!" is that gramatically correct?), an attack nurse, and a ludicrous super weapon, and you're still only scratching the surface of how bad this film is. Watch it and feel the pain. Definitely good MST3K material, though there are some graphic scenes of people melting, portrayed in all the gritty realism of claymation. One last appropriate quote: "That man's not too smart, is he Strike?" -- old man to his dog.
Demian Katz, katz@netaxs.comIt is without question the vilest movie I have ever seen. It is far and away THE worst film of any era. Period!
Jay Crosby, jcrosby@valleynet.comThis thing is so cheap that they didn't even bother to build sets! They just put the action at a television station, justifying shooting lots of soundstages and obviously fake offices.
Curt Wiederhoeft, cjw9505@Jetson.uh.eduIt seems to be about some saxophone player named Fred (Bill Pullman) and his sweet (stale) biscuit wife Rene (Patricia Arquette, or Mrs. Nicolas Cage) who keep finding videotapes of themselves on their front doorstep... They call the police. They hump, almost unenthusiastically. They go to a party where Fred meets some creepy pasty-faced little man with no eyebrows (Satan? No, Robert Blake, looking nothing like Baretta (spelling?)) who is somehow capable of being in two places at once (he proves this by having Fred call him at his (Fred's) home). Back at home, Fred watches a tape of himself kneeling over his murdered wife... and is summarily put on Death Row... somehow he turns into some guy named Pete (Balthazar Getty) who is released from prison and returned to his parents (Gary Busey and some lady whose name escapes me.) Pete hangs out with his friends, makes out with his girlfriend Sheila (Natasha Gregson Wagner... oh, who cares?), and all the while the police keep tabs on him. Pete works on cars for some apparent mobster named Mr. Eddy (Robert Loggia), who has a sweet (but stale) biscuit moll named Alice (Arquette again), and soon enough Pete and Alice are making the two-backed beastie a couple times. Alice fesses up that Mr. Eddy is using her to make porno movies, and yadda yadda yadda. Pete and Alice make plans to split from their situation and steal some stuff, and a guy with a thin mustache winds up getting his head cracked open on a table. Pete and Alice flee to the desert to this hut that burns in reverse, where they hump some more, then while Alice walks away naked, Pete abruptly turns into... Fred! Fred? Fred puts on Pete's scattered clothes (why do they fit him now?), goes into the hut to find the creepy no-eyebrows guy there, and Fred takes his revenge on Dick Laurent (Loggia again), aided by the creepy guy. And then Fred screams off into the desert with the police in hot pursuit, and abruptly something I can hardly hope to describe happens... and that's that.
Well. This was rather like watching one of those oddball, long foreign films you sometimes can see on Bravo... only this was in English. I should know better than to dare to besmirch the name of David Lynch (hell, I like weird stuff, but, well, er maybe David Lynch is too weird for even me?), but this movie... it was like a porno with more plot and less sex. The only good things this movie has going for it are the soundtrack, Mr. Eddy's extreme way of dealing with a tailgater, and the surprisingly short cameo appearance by apparently evil rocker Marilyn Manson as a porno actor in a porno film (I had thought that his tattoos would be covered up and he'd have a mustache and curly-haired wig slapped on him, but nope)... and the whole bizarro dream-like quality of the movie.
Otherwise, it seems like good MST3K fodder. Really. There's a lot of dead air between the bits of dialogue. Well, cut out the sex scenes or block out the nudity, and it's fine.
Duncan Shea, sarazawa@hotmail.comI'd been warned about seeing a David Lynch film, and now I know why. The first 30 minutes is absolutely without DIALOGUE. It opens up with some guy at a night club blowing furiously, mindlessly into a saxophone, and then it cuts to his house where he and his wife are sitting in their grey, minimalist home. To break the thick veil of silence Lynch had the so-called jazz "musician" ask his wife what she was reading. The bland twentysomething giggled flatly and replied, "You always make me laugh. That's why I married you." That's pretty much the sum total of the dialogue the first hour or so of this fiasco. The couple, full of youthful piss and vinegar, then proceed to have sex, showing nothing but the "musician's" shoulder and the wife's bouncing tit- in slow motion. Later, the spicey couple go to a naked pool party in which a made-up, powder-faced man wearing black (ooo, gothic) approaches them and tells them he has been taping them in their own home...probably catching on film the couple in the act of sitting around and staring blankly and the cold, emotionless act of copulation. This completely fucks the chance of an exciting plot...although Lynch, as we soon find out, can make a murder, 2 sex scenes (to my knowledge), a car-chase, and a naked pool party boring. Later, for reasons unknown, the jazz "musician" murders his wife, and is sent to prison. After that, the story-line goes to Hell. Something involving an auto mechanic and a mobster. Don't ask me. I quit the movie after an hour of bland, grey nausea. However, I went away with a valueable morsel of knowledge: as a director and filmmaker, Lynch is a sick, boring bitch.
Jim Carroll, jcarroll@mis.netWhat are these guys bad? A hunter can't shoot a t-rex (stolen bullets) and someone gets ate and the dinos set lose destroy a radio. The dinos atack the womans trailer and destroy it (contanting the only other radio) and eat a freind of hers trying to same here. Without radios they have to gro through heavy grass and lose 6 more guys. Two heroes indirectly lead to eight deaths because of their incredible stupidity.
Nothing the villian does leads to more than property damage when somehow a dino is freed. This an an amoral and stupid piece of sh*t. Seeing it is a waste of time.
Paul Varin, PAvarin@worldnet.att.netIt was bad enough that instead of shelling out big coin to get really primo special FX, Irwin Allen instead went on the cheap by using a bunch of modern-day reptiles with rubbery appendages epoxied to their scaly hides. But what was worse was when the main old dodgy scientist guy (Claude Rains... sigh) boldly recongnized these dinosaur impersonators as dinosaurs we know and love. Even a novice on dinosaur lore would say "Geez, that's not a brontosaurus! It's a lizard with things glued to it!"
And then the poor beasts are made to act... fighting to the death, chomping unfortunate human figures...
I think there was also a subplot dealing with a hunt for treasure... oh, never mind.
Duncan Shea, sarazawa@hotmail.comThe highlight of the film is a catfight between the heroine and one of the female villians. It takes place on a large buffet table, and is incredibly poorly choreographed, poorly acted, and poorly shot. And amazingly funny.
sens@netcom.comThe Gods Must Be Crazy had a voiceover to explain what was going on in the village of the untouched-by-modern-civilization people. This one has nothing. No subtitles to explain what these primitivey people are saying. No voice-overs. Nadda. Zilch. The entire script for this movie was a collection of stage directions. The entire story, then, is told by the physical interactions of the characters, which includes walking around and standing around. I stopped watching it after a half hour, and at that point the "luggage of the gods" had still been undiscovered. Maybe it never was discovered. A lame, cheap rip-off of the not-to-be discounted The Gods Must Be Crazy.
Edward Griffiths, griffite@msoe.eduThe plot goes like this: Luther Watts,(a really ugly guy with metal teeth) is paroled after 20 years in prison. As a child he we strongly effected after seeing a cirus geek bite the head off a chicken and apparently that made him a murderor. He gets out of jail, eats a raw egg, clucks like a chicken, and bites an old lady on the neck because she dropped the egg he gave her.
Luther runs away from the old lady he kills and ends up at a remote farm where he ties up the woman who lives in the house to her bed. Her slutty, super white-trash daughter and her boyfriend arrive at the house and after a brief check to try and find the tied up woman, have sex.
Whle going at it the dumb boyfriend hears Luther driving away in his car. The boyfriend chases him and get killed, meanwhile, the daughter finds her mother, cries, and leaves her there.
The daughter runs away, the mother untangles herself, and is chased by Luther for the last hour and fifteen minutes of the movie before she finally kills Luther.
This movie sucks. Local acting, directed by a college student, and the opening scene (the parole board deciding Luther's case) is soooo bad that I watched it twice just to make sure that I didn't dream it.
Tristan Abbott, wally@usa.net